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Try the Lotus Sex Position if You Love Intimacy and Romance

For those who like missionary, but want more.

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One of the beautiful things about sex is that there are so many different sex positions to satisfy whatever craving you and your partner happen to be having. If you're looking for something rougher that brings out your animal instincts, you might want to try these doggy style variations. But if you’re looking for something that ramps up the intimacy, then you should consider trying the Lotus sex position.

The Lotus is a classic Tantric position, though it goes by a different name in Tantra: Yab Yum. It's ideal for someone who wants to feel close to their partner physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If you’re someone who really loves missionary because you feel connected to your partner both during (and after) sex, then you should try out the Lotus. No offense to the classic sex position, but the lotus puts missionary to shame.

“You really have access to your partner’s entire body in the Lotus position,” says Megan Fleming, Ph.D., sex expert for Lovehoney. You can grab your partner’s breasts or butt while caressing their legs. You can also “hold them” by wrapping your arms around their back.

But the biggest benefit to the Lotus “is the level of intimate connection that comes from being face-to-face,” Fleming says. “From a Tantric perspective, you have eye-gazing (i.e., staring deeply into your partner's eyes), but you can also easily kiss your partner too.”

You may be wondering why the Lotus isn't a staple in the boudoir the way missionary or doggy is. The reason is that it’s a little complicated to pull off. But don't worry. We're about to break down everything you need to know about the Lotus sex position so you can fully enjoy it. (We also provide some alternatives in case the original position isn't working for you.)

How to do the Lotus position:

To get into the Lotus sex position, the insertive partner (the person doing the penetrating) sits down with their legs crossed. The receptive partner (the person being penetrated) then sits on their partner’s lap and wraps their legs behind their partner. From here, the insertive partner can maneuver themselves into their partner's vagina.

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The Lotus position comes with a few challenges.

First, it's not the easiest to pull off. You need to have incredibly open hips to get into and sustain this position. It also requires strength and endurance for the person sitting cross-legged, since they have someone placing all their weight on them.

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Then there’s the issue of partners' size difference. “If you’re tall and your partner is short, or if one partner is particularly heavy, then this position might not be doable,” Fleming says.

It’s also not a great position for folks who like the in-and-out aspect of intercourse. “This position really lends itself to grinding [and rocking back and forth],” Fleming says. “So if a man really likes a lot of thrusting, this probably isn’t a very good position for him.”

Try these Lotus variations:

Luckily, there are variations on the Lotus you can try if you want to have an intimate lovemaking session but can’t quite pull of the classic tantric pose. You can try the Pitcher’s Mound, which is a modified version of the Lotus, Fleming explains. “Basically, it’s the same position, only you’re sitting in a chair, and your partner straddles you.”

Doing this will help take the weight off the insertive partner (the one being straddled). You also don’t need to be flexible while sitting in a chair.

If you want to make this position work for anal sex, the partner sitting on top can lean back, putting their weight on their hands. This makes their anus more accessible and gives them control of depth and speed of penetration.

How to bring in sex toys:

Say you like the Lotus’ intimacy and have the chops to pull it off; you still may dislike that it’s a “rock back and forth” position. Either you or your partner may want more genital stimulation.

Luckily, the Lotus is an excellent position for using various sex toys. “You can use a bullet vibrator on the clitoris,” Fleming says. Both you and your partner will feel those vibrations when in the Lotus. “There’s also access for nipple play and butt plugs,” Fleming adds.

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